Please tell me how I can overcome these feelings and start rebuilding my life....
Heartbroken and betrayed
Dear Guru,
I have been reading your advice column since my university days and have always found your guidance helpful. Today, I need your advice regarding a personal matter. I fell in love with a girl, D. She was my class fellow, and we spent a lot of time talking and became quite close. Although she knew how I felt about her, she never expressed similar feelings. Still, I was convinced that she cared for me in the same way. I thought she was simply too shy to admit it.
I wanted to marry her after getting a good job. We were in touch once we left university. Initially, I was unable to get a good job, and was not in a position to propose to her. Six months ago, I got a good job, and told my mother about D. When my mother called D’s mom, she found out that D had become engaged to someone else. The news completely shattered me. I feel heartbroken and betrayed. I cannot stop thinking about her, and I find it difficult to focus on my work or daily responsibilities. Ever since I heard about her engagement, I have lost all motivation and enthusiasm for life. I keep wondering what went wrong and why things turned out this way. The pain feels unbearable, and I do not know how to move on. Please tell me how I can overcome these feelings and start rebuilding my life.
Dejected Guy
Dear Dejected Guy,
I understand that you are deeply hurt, but from what you have described, it appears that your feelings for D were never clearly returned. While you loved her deeply, she may have viewed you only as a friend. It is natural to feel disappointed when expectations are not fulfilled, but it would be unfair to accuse her of deceiving you. She never made a commitment to you, and it seems that the relationship existed in your mind and was completely one-sided. Now that she is engaged, you should accept the situation and focus on moving forward. Dwelling on someone who has chosen a different path will only prolong your pain.
Give yourself time to heal and focus on your career. Spend time with family and friends, pursue your interests and keep yourself occupied with meaningful activities. In time you will get over her and will, hopefully, find someone who is right for you.
Good luck!
My mother-in-law is a tyrant
Dear Guru,
I am a 21-year-old graduate and got married earlier this year. My husband, L, works for a multinational company and has a successful career. We met through relatives, and our families soon agreed to the marriage. Fortunately, we get along very well and have a happy relationship.
The problem is that my mother-in-law is a tyrant. My husband is her only son and she is extremely attached to him. He has two older sisters who are both married. His father passed away when he was still in school, and he often says that whatever he has achieved in life is because of his mother’s sacrifices and dedication. My mother-in-law manages every aspect of the household and likes to have things done her way. Even the domestic help does what she wants without consulting me.
My husband loves her deeply and shares almost everything with her. While I appreciate the bond they have, I often feel that I have very little privacy and almost no personal space. I would like to establish a home of our own and enjoy some independence as a married couple. However, I do not know how to discuss this with my husband without hurting his feelings. What should I do?
Frustrated Capricorn
Dear Frustrated Capricorn,
Adjusting to married life takes time, especially when your in-laws live with you. It is understandable that you want more privacy and independence, but it is also important to recognise your husband’s close relationship with his mother.
From your description, your mother-in-law does not appear to be a tyrant. She has spent many years caring for her family and is probably continuing to do so without realising the changes that marriage has brought. Rather than focusing on moving out immediately, try to build a positive relationship with her first. Patience, understanding and open communication can often ease tensions and create a more comfortable environment for everyone.
It is perfectly reasonable to discuss your needs with your husband. Choose a time when he is relaxed and explain that your desire for more space is not about separating him from his mother, but about strengthening your own relationship with him. Marriage involves compromise, empathy and mutual respect. If you approach the matter thoughtfully, you may be able to find a solution that respects both your wishes and your husband’s ties to his mother.
Good luck!
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