“Spelunker.” Such a funny word. Anyway, have they found your husband yet?
XWit
Kip Conlon (@kipconlon): “Spelunker.” Such a funny word. Anyway, have they found your husband yet?
Turgid Verse (@gullyvuhr): Survival tip: if attacked by a bear in the wild, play dead. It will be great practice for when you’re actually dead a few minutes later.
Mark McFeeters (@mark_mcfeeters): What is that six year period of time called when you know you need a new phone but you don’t get one?
Django Gold (@django): Watching Indiana Jones for the first time, do archaeologists typically kill this many people?
Ghostface Kryllah (@kryzazzy): The notes app on my phone is just shopping lists, passwords and the names of the anyone who’s wronged me since 1995.
Not Today Eric (@NotTodayEric): According to my research banana bread fixes everything.
Julio, Marc’s Imaginary Pet Monkey (@MonkeysMarch): Being surrounded by people who talk too much can be confusing to the many voices in my head.
Official game glenna (@glenna_opt): I need to marry someone so they can watch my bags while I go get a snack at the airport.
Forrest Cardamenis (@FCardamenis): Baby has gotten good at identifying “dada” but still struggling with surrealism, cubism, even baroque.
Nayele18 (@nayele18maybe): How old were you when you realized everything is stupid?
Henry 3000 (@Henry_3000): You only truly have freedom of speech if you can afford a personal bodyguard.
Sami (@samspainteacup): Don’t use AI to write your posts. Use your 3am psychotic breaks like a true artist.
SATAN
The locals are horrified when, one Sunday morning, Satan appears on the main street of their small town. Everyone scampers in fear, rushing indoors, except for one old man who calmly stays, sitting on his porch, reading a book.
Furious that this one person is not afraid of him, Satan approaches the man and challenges him. “Are you scared of me?” the devil screams at the old timer menacingly.
“Nope,” replies the man.
“Aren’t you worried that I’m going to wreak havoc in your little town?”
“Nope,” comes the reply again.
“Aren’t you terrified I’ll wreck your house?”
“Nah,” says the man.
By now Satan is fuming. “You do know who I am, don’t you?” he rages.
“Should do,” the man replies. “Been married to your sister for 42 years.”
