I quit my grocery store job when they started paying in vegetables instead of cash....
COMIC RELIEF
World of Engineering (@engineers_feed): Dickens: It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.
Schrödinger: Nice.
Weekday Jokes (@weekdayjokes): I quit my grocery store job when they started paying in vegetables instead of cash.
The celery was unacceptable.
Kip Conlon (@kipconlon): Got my staycation photos back. Some great ones of me standing in front of refrigerator.
Keara Sullivan (@superkeara): I live in an apartment that I rent. If I wanted to invite a vampire into my home, would I be able to? Or would he have to go through my landlord, the legal owner, in order to enter?
Granite Man (@GraniteDhuine): Her: Are you okay?
Me *digging my own grave*: Why do you ask?
Meg (@megannn_lynne): Women in STEM (suffering, turmoil, emptiness, malaise)
Bob Phillips (@BobTheSuit): What I like best about my dog is that he knows one of us is vastly more intelligent than the other but he doesn’t lord it over me.
Peach (@peachontwitta): Dumb people seem so happy.
Trash Jones (@jzux): Is rock bottom at least walkable?
Pengu (@Penguxn): If you think uncomfortable conversations are hard, wait until you see the results of not having them.
Apea, a lemon and a potato were leaving a restaurant at the top of a very steep hill after a long night. The pea, feeling quite energetic, shouted, “Lads! We’re all round – let’s just roll home!” and immediately shot down the hill.
The lemon wobbled after him, but his oval shape made him list violently from side to side, which did nothing for his unsettled stomach. The potato followed behind, trundling along slowly.
When the potato finally reached the bottom, he found the lemon leaning against a lamp post, looking very pale and clearly sick. The pea, however, was already jumping up and down. “That was brilliant! Let’s do it again!”
The potato looked at the lemon, then back at the pea, and said: “Easy peasy, lemon’s queasy.”.
“To achieve great things, two things are needed: a plan and not quite enough time.” – Leonard Bernstein
