Guru, do girls not have the right to make important decisions about their own lives and careers?
I don’t want to get married
Dear Guru,
I am a 26-year-old professional woman. I have completed my MBA and am now working for a multinational company. I am a competent employee and my bosses are very pleased with my performance. They often tell me that if I continue to work hard and stay focused, I can achieve great success in my career. I belong to an educated middle-class family and I have always dreamed of building a bright future for myself. However, there is one issue that is causing me a great deal of stress: my parents want me to get married as soon as possible.
Recently, a very good proposal came for me. We already know the family and they are extremely decent, respectable and cultured people. The boy’s parents are simple and kind and they only want a modest wedding ceremony. Their son, W, is settled in the UK, which is considered to be a very good thing by my parents. Guru, I am not against marriage at all, but I honestly do not feel ready for it at this stage of my life. Right now, my main goal is to establish myself professionally and become financially and emotionally independent before taking such a major step.
The problem is that if I marry W, I will have to leave my current job and move abroad, which means giving up a career that I have worked very hard to build. Everyone in my family keeps telling me that rejecting such a proposal would be foolish and that girls do not often get opportunities like this. Their constant pressure is exhausting me mentally. What hurts me the most is that my parents encourage my brothers to focus on their careers and settle themselves first, yet they are unwilling to give me the same chance simply because I am a girl. I feel deeply frustrated by this unfair attitude.
Guru, do girls not have the right to make important decisions about their own lives and careers? Why is marriage always treated as a greater priority for daughters than their dreams and ambitions? I do not want to sacrifice my future only to satisfy societal expectations. Please guide me because I feel very confused, emotionally drained and completely misunderstood by my parents.
Frustrated Libra
Dear Frustrated Libra,
You are not wrong for wanting to build your career before marriage. Marriage is a lifelong commitment and it should happen when you feel emotionally ready, not when others pressure you into it. Your dreams and ambitions are just as important as those of your brothers. Try to explain to your parents what you want and how you feel about getting married at this point in your life. At the same time, keep an open mind and gather complete information about the proposal before making a final decision. The most important thing is that your decision should come from your own heart and not from fear, guilt or pressure. A supportive life partner will respect your aspirations instead of asking you to abandon them. It is also possible to continue working after marriage, especially in countries like the UK, where women are given equal opportunities to work and advance in their careers.
Good luck!
I want to be treated like a grown-up person
Dear Guru,
I am a 19-year-old university student and my problem is related to my mother, who still treats me like a little child. I feel extremely awkward whenever she hugs me in front of my friends or behaves too affectionately with me in public. I understand that I am her only son and that she loves me dearly, but I don’t see other mothers behaving this way with their grown-up sons. Because of this, my friends tease me and call me a “mama’s boy”, which leaves me feeling embarrassed and uncomfortable.
The thing is, I do not want to hurt my mother’s feelings because I know she loves me very much. She has always cared for me deeply and I love and respect her a lot. At the same time, I am a grown-up guy and I want to be treated in a more mature way, especially when I am around my friends or classmates.
Guru, I do not know how to make her understand this without sounding rude or ungrateful. I cannot directly tell her to stop because I know she will feel hurt and think that I no longer value her love. Please tell me what I should do.
Embarrassed Son
Dear Embarrassed Son,
Your mother’s affection is a sign of love, not weakness, and many people would feel lucky to have such a caring parent. However, your feelings are also understandable because, at your age, personal boundaries and independence become important. Try speaking to her gently and tell her that you love and respect her very much but sometimes you feel shy when she becomes affectionate in front of your friends. If you speak kindly, she is more likely to understand your perspective without feeling rejected. Remember, growing up does not mean distancing yourself emotionally from your parents. It simply means learning how to balance love, respect and your personal comfort.
Good luck!
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