A man meets his friend for coffee and says, “Hey buddy, you look a little down. What’s wrong?”
XWit
Frankie (@MommaFrankie): Lost my job at the orange juice factory. I just could not concentrate.
Uptown Schmuck (@SchmuckOnAHorse): Some fish grew legs and crawled out of the water, and now I have to wear pants to the office.
Blair Dulder CPA™ (@runaway_vol): Amazon is such a good company they apparently named a river in Brazil after it.
Michael (@michaelo2016): Bro tip: If at first you don’t succeed try doing what she suggested in the first place.
Merriam-Webster (@MerriamWebster): Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia is the fear of long words, which feels a bit passive-aggressive.
Natalie Would (@_NatalieWould): Dear bathroom scale,
How dare you?
Horatio Quartzjixler (@Quartzjixler): What's your favourite song about the olfactory characteristics of adolescent enthusiasm?
Tanya (@Tanya_Sabrinaaa): For sale, baby shoes - worn once.
[Way more tragic, due to baby fast fashion.]
DJB (@Skinwalker5110): I'm like a cat. I'll slap anything I don’t understand.
Soup (@thrluv): On a first date I will carve our initials into a tree. It's the most romantic way to let you know I have a knife.
SlavicWarrior (@q_slavic): If you kill a killer, the number of killers in the world remains the same.
Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats): I can’t believe it's May.
I mean, WHAT’S NEXT? JUNE?!
When does it end?!
A man meets his friend for coffee and says, “Hey buddy, you look a little down. What’s wrong?”
The friend replies, “Well, when my wife left, I felt a little sad in the beginning. Then I got a dog, bought a Harley, and asked out the pretty neighbour next door. Things were definitely looking better.”
“Sounds pretty great,” says the guy.
“Yeah...” the friend continues, “but now I'm thinking about what's going to happen when my wife comes home from work.”
A college student is walking on the beach when he finds a magic lamp with a genie inside who grants him a wish. So the college student says, “I want to be the richest man in the world.”
The genie snaps his fingers and responds, “Sure. You now have a trillion dollars.”
The college student frowns and says, “That’s great and all, but I said the richest man in the world, not pay off my student debt.”
“Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.” – Peter Ustinov
