I feel completely perplexed. Please help me. I will anxiously wait for your reply...
He betrayed my trust
Hello Guru,
I am a 23-year-old woman. I was engaged to my cousin, R, when I was 17. It was a love match and I was very happy. Our engagement ceremony was meant to take place on my 18th birthday, but before that, R was admitted to a university in Australia and left to pursue his MS. It was decided that we would marry after his return, but R betrayed my love and trust and married someone else for citizenship. I never saw him again, and since then I have stopped believing in love and in people.
A few months ago, I met someone I really liked. I want to live my life again and be happy, but I am afraid to trust. I do not want to give anyone the power to break my heart again. I am also confused. I truly loved R, so how can I develop feelings for another man, especially when I have known him for such a short time? Please do not say this is love, because I do not believe love can happen like this, and I do not even want to love him. I feel completely perplexed. Please help me. I will anxiously wait for your reply.
Perplexed Gem
Dear Perplexed Gem,
What you are feeling is not strange, and it does not mean your past love was not real. It simply means your heart was broken and you were very hurt, but you are finally ready to move on. You were deeply betrayed, so your fear now is your mind trying to protect you from going through that pain again. That is natural.
You are also confusing two things. Loving someone in the past and feeling something new for someone else are not mutually exclusive. Human emotions are not limited to one person for life. That is why you can feel again and fall in love again, even if it feels uncomfortable. You do not have to call this love. In fact, do not rush to label it at all. Give yourself time to observe how this person behaves. Trust is not given all at once. It is built slowly, so take things slowly.
Also, you are right about one thing. You should not give someone the power to break you completely. Let this person earn your trust step by step. You are not weak for feeling again, but keep your expectations realistic.
Good luck!
I feel guilty and stressed
Dear Guru,
I am a 20-year-old university student. My father gave me my semester fees, but I was mugged on my way to university. I then took a loan from a friend and paid my fees, but now I have to repay the money. I am very worried because over the past few months I have only been able to save about 50 per cent of the amount from my monthly allowance, along with some money I received on my birthday.
I feel very guilty, but I am too scared to tell my father. He works very hard and I know he would be very disappointed. Please tell me what I should do. Should I tell my father and face the consequences, or should I ask my friend for more time? That way, my father would not find out about this. But I do not want to be dishonest with him. I feel mentally distressed. Please help.
Scared Son
Dear Scared Son,
You were mugged. That is not carelessness or irresponsibility: it is an unfortunate situation beyond your control, so the guilt you are feeling is misplaced. You are now trying to handle the situation responsibly, which says a lot about your character. You borrowed money to pay your fees and have already saved half the amount through your own effort. That is commendable.
Between your two options, honesty is the better long-term choice. Hiding this from your father may reduce your stress for now, but it will keep you anxious and under pressure. If he finds out later, it could damage trust more than the situation itself. Explain exactly what happened, what you have already done to fix it and how much remains. When parents see responsibility and honesty, they are far more understanding than we expect. Yes, he may feel upset, but that is different from being disappointed in you as a person.
At the same time, speak to your friend as well and offer to pay the amount you have saved. Most genuine friends will appreciate your honesty and may give you more time. You are someone dealing with a setback and trying to make it right, which says a lot about your character.
Good luck!
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