COMIC RELIEF
John Attridge (@John_Attridge): This strip of paper is a real litmus test for telling whether something is an acid or a base.
ScottW (@jswtreeman): Your honor, my client wanted me to tell you that the robe you’re wearing today has a slimming effect on you.
21.(@Big_tagg): Libraries were a good start, but we need more places where people can’t talk.
Brad the Mailman (@Bradthemailman): I always wanted to know what it would be like to be a billionaire so I ran the dishwasher half full.
Barrel rolls (@barrel_rolls): At the zoo, booing all the animals that are sleeping.
Hollie Harris (@allholls): *taking a quiz* Quiz: Do you experience unexplained anger? *sees my kids arguing and making a huge mess while my husband brings dirty cups and dishes from his office, places them on the counter, and walks away*
Me: No, it's very much explained.
Brain crumbs (@alorazei): You can’t even say “get a job” to people anymore because the market is so bad they’ll be like I have applied to 400 jobs over the past six months.
David Portier (@optimistictory): Dear restaurant owners:
We all hate the QR code menus. Stop.
- Everyone
yuan (@hyuanic): typing in lowercase bc im against capitalism.
Miia (@miiagarro): Babe… you hardly touched my last nerve, are you ok?
Schmezi (@schmezi): This too shall turn into a whole thing.
Krista (@kristabellerina): On the bright side, we all know where the Strait of Hormuz is now.
Ramin Nasibov (@RaminNasibov): To the next generation of kids: good luck finding usernames.
THE BLONDE JOKE
A blind man accidentally walks into a ladies’ cafe. He finds his way to a stool, sits down, and orders a drink. After a while, he calls out to the barista, “Hey, you want to hear a blonde joke?”
The café goes completely silent.
In a deep, calm voice, the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, sir, you should know a few things…
“First, the barista is blonde. Second, the bouncer is blonde. Third, I’m a six-foot-tall, 200-pound blonde with a black belt in karate. Fourth, the woman next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter. And fifth, the lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.” She pauses. “Now think carefully – do you still want to tell that joke?”
The blind man sits quietly for a moment, then shakes his head. “Nah,” he says, “not if I’m going to have to explain it five times.”
“Happiness is good health and a bad memory.” – Ingrid Bergman
