For a spy, James Bond sure told a lot of people his name...
COMIC RELIEF
Maddy (@MadHatterMommy): Them: You seem normal.
Me: You take that back!
Miss Ally (@MissAlly_01): For a spy, James Bond sure told a lot of people his name...
Meghan (@deloisivete): Explaining to my ancestors that I’m grumpy because I’m exchanging instantaneous messages with a friend who lives 2000 miles away, but it’s making my computer freeze, which is slowing down my online shopping.
TSHIA (@tshianki): My idea of motherhood is being an aunt.
David (@latte147): They say once you retire you will travel more. What they don’t tell you is it’s to doctors’ appointments.
Samantha Ruddy (@samlymatters): I have this disorder where every time I visit somewhere I get convinced that moving there would solve all my problems and I know that’s not true because I would be there and I cause most of my problems.
Neil Renic (@NC_Renic): Set up pointless meetings months in advance, then cancel on the day to give your colleagues a dopamine hit.
Benjamin (@bschne): Why is it called “love at first sight” and not “seeing your wife flash before your eyes”?
Klara (@klara_sjo): “Cringe” is a myth created by Big Normal to stop you from having fun.
Matty (@bestestname): They’ve started issuing kids their own podcast when they get a social security number, for efficiency.
Stelynn (@Lifeofstelynn): Drink water. It won’t fix your life, but at least you’ll be hydrated while it falls apart.
THE PAINTER
The mayor from a small town hires a guy to paint the road to a city 30 miles away. “We’ll divide the road into three segments of 10 miles each. You can come get your paycheck after you finish each segment.”, says the mayor. The guy accepts the offer and starts that same day.
He finishes the first segment after three days.
When he goes to the town hall to get his first paycheck, the mayor says “Wow, that was fast, try to keep this pace!”, as he hands him the money.
The guy continues with the next segment. This time he spends three weeks painting the second segment.
He goes to the town hall again, and the mayor says “Man, you were really fast with the first section, but you really slowed down. Try to paint the last section faster.”, while he hands him the second paycheck.
The guy proceeds with the last section. He takes three whole months until he’s done.
When he tells the mayor, he angrily says “Man, you were really fast with the first section. Then you took three weeks with the second section. And now three months?!?! I hope you have an explanation!!!”
“Well...” says the guy. “The paint bucket was further away each time”.
“Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger.” – Franklin P. Jones
