Your frontal lobe is fully formed when you start to think birds are cool....
COMIC RELIEF
Kip Conlon (@kipconlon): Your “joke” disgusts me. My chicken died crossing a road.
Pingu (@pingu4ll): Your frontal lobe is fully formed when you start to think birds are cool.
A (@seattleiminyou): I don’t think ending up alone is the worst thing. For example, what if you marry someone who prefers white chocolate.
Andrew Nadeau (@TheAndrewNadeau): SOCRATES: The only thing I know is that I know nothing.
ME: Aw, hey, don’t say that. You know things.
SOCRATES: No, I meant—
ME: If you want I can teach you some stuff.
SOCRATES:
ME:
SOCRATES:
ME: *Points* That’s a tree.
Not Today Eric (@NotTodayEric): Whoever invented the “skip intro” button really understood humans.
immy Fallon (@jimmyfallon): It's officially that time of year when you have to start being really nice to your friend with a pool.
im-Bob, Therapeutic Humorist for Hire (@sludgemeister): Since installing my new induction stove, it's out of the frying pan and into an electromagnetic field with unknown side effects.
Gianmarco (@GianmarcoSoresi): I know my attention span is waning because TikTok videos are starting to feel too long.
Ridhima (@ridhima_z): Cigarettes are actually good for the environment because they kill people.
Critter (@BecomingCritter): That’s enough productive screen time for the day! Finally time for my leisure screen time.
THE DIET
Concerned about his patient’s weight affecting her health, a doctor advises her to lose some pounds and suggests a diet plan. “I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the process for two weeks,” he says, hoping that the next time he sees her she will have lost at least 5 pounds. But when the woman returns two weeks later, the doctor is amazed to discover that she has lost 20 pounds!
“Did you follow my instructions?” he asks her.
“Yes,” she replies, “but I thought I was going to drop dead that third day.”
“From hunger, you mean?”
“No, from skipping.”
“Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.” – Mark Twain
