The world today is like if you were playing chess but without the rules....
Maddy (@MadHatterMommy): The world today is like if you were playing chess but without the rules.
ScottW (@jswtreeman): On the bright side, skyrocketing gas prices means you can’t afford to drive to the store to buy groceries you also can’t afford.
Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats): Before doing any Google search, ask yourself: “do I really want to see an ad for this thing on every single website and social media platform for my entire life?”
Tommy Bayer (@tommybayertime): Hey yeah let’s make the reusable grocery bag straps too short to fit over your shoulder but long enough to where you’re gonna keep trying to fit it over your shoulder and it keeps slipping and falling down.
Louise Jensen Duffy (@LouiseWeebe):
Me: *screaming into the abyss*
Abyss: This could have been an email.
Author James Fuller (@AuthorJFuller):
A shark can swim faster than me.
But I can run faster than a shark.
So in a triathlon it would all come down to who is the better cyclist.
Darla (@ddsmidt): I put my phone down. Now I’m not sure what I should look at, and I don’t know what to do with my hands.
Forward March (@RunOldMan):
How to beat depression:
1) Talk to someone
2) When that person says “just cheer up,” beat that person with a baseball bat.
Natalie Would (@_NatalieWould): It’s not you it’s me, I hate you.
Not Today Eric (@NotTodayEric): March is my least favourite month because it sounds too much like exercise.
Cesar (@trashpopsong): Goodbye seasonal depression, HELLO body dysmorphia season.
When a boy returns home from school, his father asks him, “So, how did the test go?”
The son grins. “Amazing. Full marks!” he replies.
The dad beams. “That’s my boy. What kind of questions were on it?”
“Easy stuff,” the son says. “Like: ‘What is your father’s profession?’”
“And what did you write?” the father queries.
“I wrote… ‘garbage man.’”
The father explodes. “Garbage man?! I’m not a garbage man! I’m the superintendent of police!”
“I know, Dad” the son replies. “I just didn’t know how to spell ‘superintendent’ and I didn’t want to lose marks!”
“There is nothing so annoying as having two people talking when you're busy interrupting.” – Mark Twain
- There are II types of people in the world. Those who understand Roman numerals and those who do not.
- I struggle with Roman numerals until I get to 159, then it CLIX.
- IXL at saying 39 in Roman numerals.
- I’m struggling to remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6, and 500 as Roman numerals. IM LIVID!
- Roman numerals are easy to remember.
The first three are I, V, and X. After that you just think of an LCD Monitor.
- I heard people are trying to ban Roman numerals. Not on my watch!
- One person tells the other,
“I don’t know what 99 is in Roman numerals.” The other lowers her glasses and says, “IC.”
- Roman numerals. What are they good IV?
- I, for one, quite like Roman numerals.
