Guru, I want my old friend back. Do you think it would help if I leave this job and get another?
My friend is avoiding me
Dear Guru,
I am a 24-year-old girl working in a reputable company. I got this job because of my friend, S, already working at the company. S was a great support for me and helped me settle down and learn the ropes. I was very soon in the good books of my bosses and I am afraid S may have felt that I was being preferred over her. My problem is I have noticed a considerable change in her behaviour. We used to have lunch together but now she makes excuses such as saying she is not well, or that she wants to lose weight and is on a diet, so wants to eat alone because she gets tempted when she eats in company. We also used to go for shopping or sometimes watch movies together after office hours but that has also stopped as well. Many times she refuses my invitations and then I find out that she went with other colleagues. She is clearly avoiding my company.
Guru, I want my old friend back. Do you think it would help if I leave this job and get another? I don’t know why she has changed. I am badly hurt and don’t know what to do to make things right between us. Please help!
Upset Friend
Dear Upset Friend,
It is understandable that you feel hurt. When a close friend suddenly becomes distant, it can leave you confused and wondering what went wrong. From what you describe, it is possible that your friend may be feeling insecure or overshadowed at work, especially if she helped you get the job and you quickly gained the appreciation of your bosses. Even if you never intended it, she may be comparing herself with you.
However, leaving your job is not the solution. You worked hard to settle into this position and it would be unfair to yourself to give it up because of a misunderstanding. Careers and friendships should not be sacrificed so quickly. Instead, try to talk to her about this issue. Tell her that you value her friendship and have noticed that she seems distant. Avoid blaming her or mentioning what others have told you. Simply tell her that you miss the time you used to spend together. Sometimes people open up when they realise they are not being judged.
At the same time, give her some space. Friendships often go through phases and work environments can complicate emotions. True friends do not compete with each other and feel happy at each other’s success. Continue being friendly but do not constantly pressure her to behave as before.
If the friendship was genuine, there is a good chance she will come around. And, if she does not, just remember that you did your part with sincerity.
Good luck!
I miss my father and feel lonely
Dear Guru,
I am a 12-year-old girl. I belong to a broken family. My father went abroad three years ago and never came back. He hasn’t died, but he just vanished. There has been no sign of him since then. I really miss him very much. My mother missed him a lot too and, to forget her worries, she started taking a course. After that she began working. I think she did it partly to pass the time because we are financially comfortable and do not really have money problems. My brother is always on the computer and my sister stays in her room most of the time. I am left alone. No one seems to care about me even though I try to be loving. Day by day I feel I am becoming ill-mannered and angry. My mother, brother and sister often scold me because they think I am a pest.
Sometimes I feel so sad that I even wish for death. Guru, please help me. What should I do? I miss my dad and want him back, but I know that is impossible.
Broken Child
Dear Broken Child,
What you are going through is very painful for a young person, and it is completely natural to miss your father deeply. Your sadness and feeling of loneliness are understandable, but you must remember one very important thing: your life is precious. Even when you feel unwanted or alone, your life matters. You deserve love, care, and attention from your mother and siblings, and wishing for death is often a sign of how hurt you feel, but don’t let your feelings overwhelm you. Your mother is probably struggling with the loss of your father, even if she does not show it openly. Your siblings are also coping with your father’s absence in their own way. It does not mean they love you any less.
Try talking to your mother and tell her that you miss your father and feel lonely. This will make her realise how sad and lonely you feel. To pass your time in a constructive manner, engage in activities like reading, sports or writing a diary. Also, try and make new friends. Remember, difficult times do not last forever. Be patient and keep reaching out for help when you need it.
Good luck!
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