The gallery in my phone is like 67% photos and 33% accidental screenshots of my phone’s wallpaper....
COMIC RELIEF
Ghostface Kryllah (@kryzazzy): The gallery in my phone is like 67% photos and 33% accidental screenshots of my phone’s wallpaper.
JP (@JPLFR80): I’m late because the charger was still at 96% at the time I was supposed to leave.
Your other mom (@difficultpatty): Him: How do you like teaching middle school?
Me: I’d rate it a six seven.
Nayele18 (@nayele18maybe): “AND ANOTHER THING” – me, 2 days after the end of an argument.
Neil Renic (@NC_Renic): PhDs take a long time, stress you out, and don’t guarantee a job, but nothing beats the first time you hear, “oh, so not a medical doctor?”
Doctor Andromeda (@cygnus_dr): Swimming is good for you, especially if you’re drowning.
Yz (@everhero13): Men are soooooooooo hot when they’re fictional.
Stelynn (@Lifeofstelynn): Tomorrow is not promised … make sure you buy the thing in your cart today.
Meghan (@deloisivete): Morning of a day off: can’t wait to get so much done today.
Evening of a day off: oh no.
Forward March (@RunOldMan): There’s a freedom in knowing that every person drawn to you has something seriously wrong with them.
Natalie Would (@_NatalieWould): After the third Radiohead song Spotify should do a wellness check.
Granite Man (@GraniteDhuine): Staying informed these days is a form of self harm.
Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats): Self care tip: don’t check social media when you wake up, before going to bed, while you’re at work, or at all.
After his first day of university, a young man calls his mother. “I’m doomed,” he exclaims. “I might as well just come home now.”
“Oh honey,” she says, “what happened?”
“They put us in a big lecture hall,” he begins. “There were hundreds of students. The dean walks in and makes his welcome speech. He tells us to look at the person on our right, then left, and says that one of us wouldn’t be here on graduation day.”
“Oh dear,” his mother said. “Who was on your right?”
“Mei-Ling. She’s an international prodigy on a full academic scholarship.”
“Oh dear,” she said again. “And who was on your left?”
“The aisle.”
“If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up,” said the sarcastic teacher.
After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.
“Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?”, inquired the teacher with a sneer.
“Well, actually I don’t,” replied the student, “but I hate to see you standing all by yourself.”
“True friends are those who really know you but love you anyway.” – Edna Buchanan
