From a young age, girls are taught that their worth is tied to an invisible rulebook...
OPINION
From a young age, girls are taught that their worth is tied to an invisible rulebook. Be polite, but not too friendly. Be confident, but not outspoken. Be kind, but not too friendly. Above all, be a ‘good girl’. Despite how frequently the term is used, no one seems able to define what a ‘good girl’ truly is. Instead, it remains a vague standard against which girls are constantly measured, judged and found wanting.
In our society, being a good girl is considered extremely important. Yet even today, no one seems to clearly understand what a good girl really is or what she is supposed to be like. We often hear people, especially from the lower-middle and upper-middle classes, say that a good girl is someone with a strong character. But honestly, I still struggle to understand what having a strong character truly means when it comes to girls.
A few days ago, I was at a gathering with friends when one girl began gossiping about another. She said, “Do you know why she stayed late at the office yesterday? Because she was busy talking to her male colleagues, laughing and joking with them. And everyone thinks she’s such a ‘good’ girl.”
Her words left me disappointed and confused. I could not help thinking: can a girl not laugh or joke with a colleague? If she talks to a male coworker at the office, does that automatically make her a ‘bad’ girl?
This is not an isolated incident. I grew up hearing similar judgements almost everywhere. At family gatherings, if a girl laughs or talks freely with her cousin, or even smiles at him, people immediately assume they are having an affair. If a girl offers kind words, helps someone by passing food at the table, or tells a boy to take care of himself when he is unwell, she is quickly labeled, and people say things like, “She flirts with every boy,” or, “Girls like her are not good at all.”
I remember when my friends and I booked a cab to go to a restaurant. When it arrived, one of my friends sat in the front seat. I still remember another girl asking, “What kind of girl is she? There was space in the back, so why did she sit in the front with a man?” I wondered why a girl should not be allowed to sit in the front seat.
It seems that for girls, even basic kindness, friendliness or normal human interaction is enough to put their character on trial.
We live in a society where boys are rarely taught to respect girls and women. They are not consistently guided on how to behave responsibly or treat women with dignity. Instead, the entire burden of honour is placed on girls. From a young age, girls are told they are responsible for protecting the family’s reputation.
We are constantly warned not to be friendly with boys, not even neighbours, classmates, cousins, or colleagues. A girl is not even allowed to call a boy a friend. If someone sees a boy’s name on her phone or notices her chatting with him, it immediately puts her in an awkward position, and assumptions are immediately made about her character. A girl may have something important to discuss with her male cousin. Similarly, she may need to discuss work-related matters with her male colleagues or talk about an important assignment with her male classmate.
Of course, the rise in harassment cannot be ignored. Girls need to be cautious while choosing their friends. Clear boundaries are necessary - boundaries that do not allow disrespect, inappropriate jokes, or behaviour that undermines a woman’s dignity. A girl and a boy can be friends while still respecting boundaries.
What is truly disturbing is how quickly kindness is mistaken for interest. A compliment, a caring word or a simple expression of appreciation is turned into a judgement of a girl’s morality. Even within families, a girl saying that a boy looks good is labelled inappropriate. Why is basic politeness treated as a moral failing?
I also wish that if a girl shows kindness on a humanitarian or friendly basis, men would not assume romantic interest. Kindness should not be confused with invitation, just as respect should not be mistaken for affection. Similarly, a girl should not assume a man is interested in her just because he shows kindness.
I see daily incidents of men betraying women’s trust, whether classmates, colleagues, or cousins. It makes me realise that while girls can have male friends, trust cannot be given blindly. Unfortunately, many men in our society are not raised to respect women, which forces girls to set boundaries.
I wish that when a girl tells her male friend, who is moving to another country, that she will miss him, it is not assumed to be romantic. Interacting with people daily naturally fosters fondness, but that does not imply a romantic relationship.
Girls should be allowed to laugh, talk and care without having their character constantly questioned. Respect, trust, and dignity should be expected from everyone, regardless of gender, rather than being placed solely on girls’ shoulders.
