A young hotshot gets a promotion which comes with an office....
XWit
Not Today Eric (@NotTodayEric): Me: I’m a writer.
Them: Where are you published?
Me: Twitter.
Julio, Marc’s Imaginary Pet Monkey (@MonkeysMarch): Hate it when someone rings my doorbell because then I have to drop everything I’m doing to be quiet and pretend I’m not home.
Sam Skoronski (@SamSkoronski): I majored in communications, which is why I’m so good at phoning it in.
Bec Shaw (@Brocklesnitch): Why did they make Munchausen by proxy so fun to say.
Shine (@upshine3): IDC if my family disappointed in me, I ain’t impressed by them either.
Stelynn (@Lifeofstelynn): Me: I don’t need the box.
Also me, five minutes later, reading cooking instructions from the garbage.
Krista (@kristabellerina): Is there anything more annoying than sticky notes that won’t stick, like they have one job.
Meghan (@deloisivete): There are two wolves inside you.
WebMD: Wolf cancer.
Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats): Never imagined I’d be the type of person who’d get up super early in the morning to go to the gym.
And I was right.
Garshmo (@garshmo): At the corner store if you need any corners.
Steve Olivas (@steveolivas): It’s 3:30pm. Wife and I just ate dinner.
If we get any older, we’ll have to start eating our meals yesterday.
Dan (@dadopotamus): I don’t think enough people know they’re supposed to park between the lines in a parking space.
A young hotshot gets a promotion which comes with an office. He’s very impressed with himself as he checks it out. Someone walks in, and in an effort to sound important, he grabs the phone, shouts, “That’s right, buy $1 million NOW!”, slams the phone down, turns to the visitor and asks, “What do YOU want?”
“I’m just here to install your phone,” the man replies.
“Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats.” – Voltaire
