I met the man, and he seems decent, respectful and well-mannered, but I am scared....
My sister manipulated me
Dear Guru,
I am a 25-year-old working woman and currently single. I have a good job that pays well. My parents died four years ago in an accident, and since then I have been living with my married sister. She insisted that I move in with her, claiming that my sister-in-law controlled my brother and would not treat me well. My brother and sister-in-law tried to stop me, but I trusted my sister and left their home.
At that time, I was still a student, and my parents had accepted a marriage proposal for me a few weeks before their death, and a date for engagement ceremony had been set. My father was financially well off and ensured that all his children were secure. He bought apartments for both my sister and me in our own names. After her marriage, my sister’s husband persuaded her to sell her apartment and invest the money in his business.
When I moved in with my sister, both she and her husband were initially very affectionate. Over time, however, they began pressuring me to sell my apartment and give the money to my brother-in-law for investment. They even told my father’s friend that I had refused to marry their son, which is completely untrue.
I receive rental income from my apartment and have saved a substantial amount, as I use my salary only for my own expenses. My sister also has her eyes on my savings, and I am expected to give her money whenever she claims she needs it for one reason or another.
Guru, I now understand the true nature of my sister and her husband, but I feel too ashamed to return to my brother. My brother and sister-in-law are still very affectionate towards me, even though they were hurt when I left them. My brother was very upset when my marriage talks broke down and wants me to come back and stay with him until I am married.
I am considering moving out and living on my own, but I do not want to embarrass my brother further. I also know that if I continue living with my sister, she will keep taking my money and may even prevent me from getting married. On the other hand, my brother has sent two proposals for me, but my sister refused both without giving any reasons. I now realise that my brother is sincere with me, and it is only my pride that is stopping me from moving back with him.
What should I do?
Deceived Sister
Dear Deceived Sister,
The hardest thing for you was to recognise the truth of your situation. Now you can decide what is best for your future without feeling any embarrassment. There is no shame in going back to a home where you are wanted. Your brother and sister-in-law tried to stop you earlier because they cared, not because they wished to control you. Now that you have understood this, don’t let your pride stop you from returning to their home.
Given the social realities of our society, returning to your brother’s home is the safest and most dignified option for you as an unmarried woman. It also protects your reputation, strengthens your chances of marriage, and removes you from the house of your sister where you are being financially and emotionally exploited. Speak to your brother and admit to him that you were misled and have learnt from the experience. Go to his house because he is sincere and has your best interest at heart. Your parents secured your future with foresight; now it is your responsibility to protect it with courage. Good luck!
I am afraid to trust again
Hello Guru,
I am a 22-year-old working woman. I am feeling very depressed because two years ago, the person I loved, R, betrayed me when he chose to marry a rich girl. My parents gave me a year to get over R, but now they want me to get married. I am fairly good-looking, so I have been receiving good proposals.
A few weeks ago, I received a very good proposal. This time, my parents are serious and want me to consider it properly. I met the man, and he seems decent, respectful and well-mannered, but I am scared. What if he betrays me as well? I am afraid of trusting someone again. Please help me.
Scared Libra
Dear Scared Libra,
It is natural to feel scared because when trust is broken once, it is not easy to trust someone again. However, it is important to understand that he did not leave because you were lacking; he left because his priorities were different. Also, your parents did not expect you to forget R overnight. They gave you ample time to heal and move on.
The man they want you to consider is not R. You have met him and found him to be decent, respectful and well-mannered. If you wish, take time to observe his behaviour over a few months and then decide. Share your fears with your parents, as this will help stabilise you emotionally. Do not rush yourself. You can move forward while still being careful, and do not let your fear impact your life negatively.
Good luck!
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