I feel torn, as I have some feelings for H, but deep down I know he does not love me. What should I do?
My fiancé is not interested in me
Dear Guru,
I am a 25-year-old graduate from a middle-class family, and I work as a school teacher. I recently got engaged to my cousin H, and the wedding was set for January 2026.
From the beginning, I felt that H was not interested in me and had agreed to the match due to family pressure. He never tried to call me and, when I called him, he said it was not right for us to talk before marriage as it was against our religion. I always had a feeling that H would never marry me. My fears have now come true. He received admission to a university in Derbyshire and went abroad to do a master’s degree.
His parents said it would take him two years to complete his studies and that we should adjust the wedding date accordingly. My father was shocked, as H’s family had not told us he had plans to study abroad. He demanded to know what would happen if H married someone else while abroad and said he wanted to break the engagement. H’s parents told him that they were sure H would return and marry me. My mother wants the engagement to continue because she does not want to offend her brother, who is H’s father. Now my parents have asked me what I want. I have a bad feeling about waiting for H, but I do not want to disappoint my mother or break her heart. I feel torn, as I have some feelings for H, but deep down I know he does not love me.
What should I do?
Conflicted Libra
Dear Conflicted Libra,
It is completely natural to feel torn. On one side you have your own instincts telling you that something is wrong, and on the other side you have feelings for H. Anyone in your place would feel confused. However, try to look at the situation in a logical way. H has not shown interest in you, and he rebuffed you when you tried to talk to him. Before marriage, people usually try to get to know one another and build some connection, yet he chose to keep his distance. This is not a small matter, as it clearly shows his lack of interest and commitment to this engagement.
Waiting for someone who is not interested in you is, in my opinion, pointless. You deserve someone who values you, and H is not that person. If there is no love or willingness now, it is unlikely to appear later.
Your father is worried about your future, and your mother is worried about family relationships. Since they have asked you to decide, ask yourself whether you would be happy spending your life with someone who cannot even make a small effort now, even if he returns single. Do not stay in this engagement simply because you fear upsetting your mother. It is not wrong to choose what you believe is right for your future.
You can explain to your mother that you respect her feelings, but you cannot wait for someone who has shown no interest in you and may not even return to honour his commitment. Many boys who go abroad end their engagements if they feel they can secure a legal permit to stay through work or marriage. Your mother may feel hurt for a short time, but she will not want you to suffer for years.
Good luck!
My mother doesn’t care about me
Dear Guru,
I am a 14-year-old girl. I have an older sister and a younger brother. My mother loves my older sister and younger brother, but she does not care about me. She often scolds me when I do something wrong, but she never scolds my brother or sister. My friend told me that parents treat their middle child like this. I feel very sad. I love my mum and want her to love me back. My father sometimes shows love to me, but he is the same with my other siblings.
What can I do to make my mother love me?
Sad Daughter
Dear Sad Daughter,
Many middle children feel exactly the way you do. Parents sometimes depend on the middle child more, or expect more from them, without realising how it makes the child feel. It does not mean your mother loves you any less. Sometimes parents show love differently. Some express it through scolding because they want you to be responsible and stronger but they do not realise that their words are hurtful. It is quite possible your mother believes you are stronger and more independent than your siblings.
Instead of trying to make your mother love you, try to make her understand you. Explain to her that when she scolds you more than the others, you feel hurt. Tell her that you love her and that you wish to feel as close to her as your siblings do. I am sure she will understand how her behaviour has been affecting you.
Good luck!
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