Turgid Verse (@gullyvuhr): Figuring out women is simple. Just ask yourself what colour the letter seven smells like....
Turgid Verse (@gullyvuhr): Figuring out women is simple. Just ask yourself what colour the letter seven smells like.
Bob Phillips (@BobTheSuit): When life hands you lemons, politely call life back to your table and say, “I’m sorry, I ordered the tuna melt.”
Sam Skoronski (@SamSkoronski): We only use 10% of our brains, which is why we fall for so many fake science facts.
Kristen (@Kica333): A large group of people is called an I’m not going.
Katie D (@KatieDeal99): It’s so hard to meet people as an introvert because the love of my life is probably also at home in a blanket cocoon.
Matty (@bestestname): Chocolate oranges are the best gift for a child you don’t like.
MisterD (@MisterD78UK): It’s always “wanna come in for a coffee?” and never “wanna see my rock collection and eat some cheese?” and that's a shame.
Neil Renic (@NC_Renic): “Password is too weak” “…so is my memory ”
Jason, ex Inferis (@benedictsred): Funny that a crush is something you have and also what having that does to your soul.
Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats): If you’re alone on Thanksgiving, Venmo me $20 and I'll give you a call and ask “when are you gonna get a ‘real’ job” and “please give me grandchildren”.
A young farmer is having trouble with one of his horses that is suffering from malaise. He doesn’t know what to do so seeks advice from the old farmer down the road.
“Farmer John, surely you’ve seen this problem before,” he queries. “What should I do with a horse with malaise?”
Farmer John smiles and says, “well, a few years back one of my horses had that problem and I gave him a drink of turpentine.”
The young farmer, happy to have an answer, runs home and administers the same treatment to his horse. Sadly, the next morning, his horse is dead.
He runs over to Farmer John’s place and tells him, “John, I gave my horse turpentine, but he died!”
Farmer John reflects and nods and says, “aye, mine did too.”
“If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” – Dalai Lama
