Matty (@bestestname): I don't do yoga, but sometimes I try to plug my charging cable in without getting out of bed....
Mark (@AgingRanchHand): Uber sends notifications like "Hey, want to take an Uber right now?" No thanks, buddy. It's more for when I need to go somewhere.
Matty (@bestestname): I don't do yoga, but sometimes I try to plug my charging cable in without getting out of bed.
Ghostface Kryllah (@kryzazzy): When I was a kid, I was afraid of the dark but now as an adult I’m afraid of running into someone I know at the grocery store.
Elnathan John (@elnathan_john): The best way to spot typos is to press send or publish. Marcmywords (@Marcmywords2): Just once, I’d like to be loved the way Santa loves rich kids.
Micheal Maybe (@MichealElliott): Santa had it right. Visit people once a year.
x__x (@bpdsins): Listening to Radiohead at 9 am before even giving the day a fair chance.
Whis_pea (@whis_pea): I identify with that first test pancake.
Muliii (@muliwithanm): This year the feliz is not navidading.
Natalie Would (@_NatalieWould): My New Year's resolution is to cut back on Twitter so I can spend more time with my meds.
At an inspirational seminar, the speaker addresses his audience and says, “If you know your wife is controlling you, move to the left.” All the men in the hall move to left, except one man. The speaker is happy there is at least one strong man, and asks, “How come your wife can't control you?” The man quietly replies, “It’s my wife who told me not to move.”
