If you would like to know more about Pluto, I've written some ex-planetory notes....
COMIC RELIEF
Cooper Lawrence (@CooperLawrence): Job interviewer: how long were you at your last job?
Me: 8 password updates.
Gianmarco (@GianmarcoSoresi): I love how technology skipped from calculators to end-of-humanity without figuring out escalators that don’t break.
Terri (@terrip38): Somebody’s shoe was abandoned in the middle of the road. Poor lost sole.
Max (@maxharvey79): If you would like to know more about Pluto, I've written some ex-planetory notes.
Alexander the pretty good (@vaudevillehook): (When I’m in a really good mood) More Mr. Nice Guy :)
Skurt Vonnegut (@ThisLocalHater): Some people are Target and some people are Walmart. I'm the Dollar General that burned down last year.
Andrew Nadeau (@TheAndrewNadeau):
If a Transformer died could you just use its body as a regular car? Like, respectfully tho.
SentientBunnySuit (@SuitSentient): I'm so old I remember when grocery stores didn't have an entire aisle of sparkling water.
Yani (@yaniversal): The year is 1997.
The President was born in 1946.
The year is 2007. The President was born in 1946.
The year is 2017. The President was born in 1946.
The year is 2027. The President was born in 1946.
Soup (@thrluv): If you really want a foldable device, buy a book.
Ava (@avainwordland): And for the lady, perhaps a portal to another dimension.
Toby (@tobestewart): I bet all the people who haven’t been suffering from anxiety for years are feeling pretty stupid now.
THE SCARECROW
Two crows were in a field when they noticed a figure that looked like a man in the distance. “See that over there? What is that?” asks the first crow.
The second crow takes a long look. “That's a scarecrow. Looks authentic, doesn't it?”
“How can you tell it's a scarecrow and not a person?” says the first crow.
“Look at its hand. No cellphone”, replies the second crow.
THE BREAKFAST
On their mother’s birthday, two children ordered their mom to stay in bed in the morning. As she lay there looking forward to breakfast in bed, the smell of eggs floated up from the kitchen. But after a good long wait she finally went downstairs to investigate. She found them both sitting at the table eating scrambled eggs. “As a surprise for your birthday,” one explained, “we decided to cook our own breakfast.”
“Failed relationships can be described as so much wasted make-up.” – Marian Keyes
