Bullying does not always look the way we imagine it. Sometimes it is a cruel joke, a hurtful comment or a deliberate attempt to make someone feel small....
COVER STORY
Bullying does not always look the way we imagine it. Sometimes it is a cruel joke, a hurtful comment or a deliberate attempt to make someone feel small. It can happen at school, among friends, at work or even online. What may seem like harmless teasing to one person can leave another feeling isolated, anxious and powerless. Learning to recognise bullying is the first step towards dealing with it. Just as importantly, knowing how to respond without becoming part of the problem can help protect both yourself and others. This article looks at how to identify a bully, the effects of bullying on our mental, physical and social well-being, what Islam teaches us about treating others and how we can respond to bullying without violence or breaking any rules.
Who are they?
A bully does not have horns or a distinct devilish appearance. He or she can be anyone, including the person you least expect to be a bully. It is vital to identify bullying behaviour so that you can set boundaries and avoid unnecessary embarrassment or distress.
So, how can we identify a bully? The answer is quite simple. A bully may try to undermine you and use your weaknesses against you. They may also make you doubt yourself. If you feel that someone is repeatedly trying to make you self-conscious about your looks, body shape or intellectual abilities, take a moment to recognise what is happening. This person may be bullying you. Recognising the behaviour can help you take preventive action and set boundaries before the situation gets worse.
The following points might help you identify typical bullying behaviour:
In short, bullying involves repeatedly picking on, demeaning or making someone feel inferior. It can happen in a group or social setting and can take many forms.
If someone has recognised these red flags and identified a person as a bully, the situation can become even more complicated when that bully happens to be a close companion. They may be reluctant to accept that their close friend is actually bullying someone. At this point, it is important to understand how bullying can affect someone’s mental, social, physical and academic life and why it is so important to deal with it firmly.
The effects of bullying
Mental health: Targets of bullying can experience feelings of worthlessness, shame and social isolation. In severe cases, bullying can also be associated with thoughts of self-harm or suicide.
Physical well-being: The stress caused by bullying can affect the body in different ways, including difficulty sleeping, headaches and stomach aches.
Academic and social life: Bullying can affect concentration and school attendance. Targets may withdraw from social activities, struggle to make friends or develop a habit of avoiding situations where they might face further bullying.
Reputation: Bullies may spread lies, secrets or altered photos to influence how others view you. This can result in social exclusion and may affect participation in clubs, sports teams or leadership activities.
Social labelling: Victims can become stuck with unfair, negative labels that may follow them for years.
Guilt by association: Friends may distance themselves from a target because they fear becoming the bully’s next target.
Digital footprint: Cyberbullying can create a public online record of hurtful messages, images or posts that can be difficult to remove.
In short, bullying can have a devastating effect on someone’s life. That is why it is important to seek help from a trusted person. This could be a teacher, parent, friend or counsellor.
What Islam says about this
Now, let’s discuss some Quranic verses and hadith about doing wrong to other people.
In a hadith, Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W) said: “A Muslim is one from whom the other Muslims are secured from his tongue and hand.” (Sahih Bukhari)
Allah (SWT) says in the Quran:
“O you who have believed, let not a people ridicule [another] people; perhaps they may be better than them. Nor let women ridicule [other] women; perhaps they may be better than them. And do not insult one another and do not call each other offensive names.” (Surah Al-Hujurat, 49:11)
“Allah does not like the public mention of evil except by one who has been wronged. And ever is Allah hearing and knowing.” (Surah An-Nisa, 4:148)
How to respond to a bully
So far, we have discussed how to identify a bully, how bullying can affect someone’s life and what Islamic teachings say about it. Next, it is important to discuss some tips on how to respond to a bully and how to ask for help.
Respond calmly: Reacting with anger or distress may escalate the situation. Try to remain calm and avoid giving the bully the reaction they are seeking.
Be firm: A clear “Stop. That’s not okay” is better than getting into an argument.
Don’t retaliate: Meeting cruelty with cruelty can make the situation worse.
Document it: Note the dates, what happened and any witnesses. If the bullying happens online, keep screenshots and other evidence.
Tell a trusted adult early: Speaking up when you have been wronged is not a sign of weakness. Tell a parent, teacher, counsellor or another trusted adult.
Cyberbullying: Don’t respond to abusive messages. Take screenshots, block the person and report the account or content.
Lean on friends: A strong support circle can make it harder for a bully to isolate you.
Know when to walk away: Removing yourself from a situation is protection, not a sign of losing.
Can bullies become more empathetic?
Punishment and cruelty in return do not necessarily change bullying behaviour. Some people who bully others may be dealing with their own insecurities, difficulties or social pressures. This does not excuse their behaviour, but understanding what may be behind it can help us think about how to respond constructively.
Firm boundaries, not humiliation: Name the harmful behaviour clearly and directly without mocking the person. This echoes the Quran’s instruction: “Do not insult one another and do not call each other offensive names” (49:11). Correcting someone’s behaviour does not require using a bully’s own tactics against them.
Restorative conversations: Where it is safe and appropriate, a guided conversation can help someone understand the impact of their actions rather than simply focusing on punishment.
Active inclusion: When bystanders actively include people who are being isolated, it can help change group dynamics and reduce feelings of exclusion.
Accountability without labelling: Hold people accountable for their behaviour while leaving room for them to change. A permanent label can make that change more difficult.
Follow-through: Change requires checking back rather than treating the problem as a one-time issue.
The Quran offers a striking piece of guidance on this:
“Repel [evil] by that which is better; and thereupon the one between you and him who is enmity will become as though he was a devoted friend.” (Surah Fussilat, 41:34)
Responding to harm with something better than harm can create an opportunity for hostility to give way to understanding. That is the idea this article has tried to point towards from the start: identify the behaviour, protect yourself and others from it and, wherever it is safe and possible, leave room for the person behind the behaviour to change.
1 in 3: About one in three students aged 13–15 worldwide report being bullied, according to Unicef’s global data.
11%: In the WHO’s 2021–22 survey covering 44 countries and regions in Europe, Central Asia and Canada, 11% of adolescents reported being bullied at school.
15%: The same WHO survey found that 15% of adolescents reported being cyberbullied at least once or twice in the previous couple of months.
34%: In a US national survey covering July 2021 to December 2023, 34% of teenagers aged 12–17 reported being bullied during the previous 12 months.
1.7%: In that same US survey, 1.7% of teenagers reported being bullied almost every day.
