I feel extremely lonely because I have no one with whom I can share my thoughts and interests. Sometimes, I feel unwanted and left out. I want to be accepted by everyone. What should I do?
Everyone avoids my company
Hello Guru,
I am an 18-year-old boy doing A-levels. I am a bright student and usually get good grades, so my teachers appreciate me. I am passionate about science subjects and can discuss topics from my books at length. I also love reading about new inventions and discoveries online and can spend hours learning about them. However, my classmates often avoid my company. Even my siblings and cousins sometimes make fun of me at family gatherings when I try to talk about interesting things happening in the world. I do not understand what is wrong with my friends and family. I feel that people nowadays are no longer interested in discussing serious subjects. I feel extremely lonely because I have no one with whom I can share my thoughts and interests. Sometimes, I feel unwanted and left out. I want to be accepted by everyone. What should I do?
Lonely Soul
Dear Lonely Soul,
There is absolutely nothing wrong with being curious, knowledgeable and passionate about science. However, being accepted by everyone is an impossible goal, and trying too hard to achieve it can make you even more unhappy. People have different interests and different ways of communicating. Your classmates may not be interested in discussing scientific discoveries for hours, but that does not mean they dislike you or that there is something wrong with them.
It is also understandable that you feel hurt when your siblings and cousins make fun of you. However, instead of assuming that people are not interested in serious subjects, try to understand what they enjoy discussing. If you show genuine interest in other people's opinions, hobbies and experiences, they may also become more interested in hearing about yours. At the same time, you do not have to give up the things you love. If you want to discuss science in greater depth, look for like-minded people. Join science clubs, competitions, educational communities or other activities where you can meet young people who share your interests. You may be surprised to discover how many people are just as enthusiastic about science as you are.
Most importantly, do not measure your worth by how many people want to spend time with you. Being different from your peers at 18 is not a weakness. Your curiosity could become one of your greatest strengths. Keep learning, but also learn the art of listening, understanding and connecting with people. You do not need everyone to accept you. You need a few genuine people who appreciate you for who you are.
Good luck!
My teacher dislikes me
Dear Guru,
I am a 15-year-old girl, and I am in Grade 10 at a prestigious school in Karachi. I am good at my studies and always achieve excellent grades. I respect all my teachers and have many friends at school. But I have a serious problem. My class teacher, who used to like me a lot and always encouraged me, has suddenly become very strict with me. I don’t know what has gone wrong. She scolds me unnecessarily and watches my every move so she can punish me. There are many other girls who are mischievous or poor at their studies, but she seems to pick on me only. I am very upset because I haven’t done anything to make her dislike me. I have thought about it carefully but can’t recall any incident in which I did anything wrong. I don’t know what to do, so please help me.
Upset Girl
Dear Upset Girl,
It is understandable that you feel confused and hurt when a teacher who once encouraged you suddenly becomes strict. However, before concluding that she dislikes you, try to find out whether there is another reason for the change in her behaviour. Sometimes teachers become stricter because their expectations have changed, they have noticed something that needs improvement or they are dealing with pressures of their own.
Think carefully about whether there has been any recent change in your behaviour, studies or interactions with her. You may not have intended to do anything wrong, but there could have been a misunderstanding that you are unaware of. Also, try not to compare yourself with other students. The fact that some girls misbehave or perform poorly does not necessarily mean your teacher should treat everyone in exactly the same way.
The best thing you can do is speak to your teacher privately and politely, and request her to tell you if you have made any mistake. If she points out a genuine mistake, accept the feedback and try to improve. If you genuinely cannot understand her behaviour or feel that she continues to single you out unfairly, speak to a trusted teacher, school counsellor or your parents. Keep a record of specific incidents rather than simply saying that she dislikes you.
Remember that one teacher's opinion does not define your abilities. Stay respectful, continue working hard and deal with the situation calmly rather than allowing it to affect your confidence.
Good luck!
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