Return of the reviews, the critic strikes back, across the reviewverse, the final critiquing, etc. etc...
COVER STORY
After surviving the first wave of summer releases, we return with a second batch of reviews, taking a look at what the rest of the season had to offer … because hey, if Hollywood can do sequels that nobody asked for, then so can we! And while the first half of the summer movie season may have tested our (already rapidly declining) faith in Hollywood, we are nothing if not (foolishly) optimistic. So back we went to the cinema for more loud explosions, questionable storylines, writing that made us wonder who on earth approved these scripts, and a certain web-swinger who (not entirely unexpected) climbed to the top of the box office and (quite unexpectedly) just kept climbing!
So as summer bids us adieu and we start pretending we’re excited about awards season – full disclosure: we are not – here’s another look at what Hollywood did this summer. Grab your popcorn, lower your expectations and dive right in.
Masters of the Universe
Had Mattel asked me if they should make a new He-Man movie, I could have saved them a couple of hundred million dollars by telling them it was a really bad idea … is what I would have said before I actually saw Masters of the Universe, and I would have been wrong because dang, this slop is so much more fun than that other slop Hollywood’s been trying to feed us all summer.
The movie tells the story of the Earth-raised, human resource-employed Prince Adam (Nicholas Galitzine) who reunites with his magical sword and returns to Eternia to save his planet from the evil Skeletor (Jared Leto). Which may sound like a typical origin story – and in many ways it is – but its self-aware script joyously elevates the adventure.
At no point does the film bother to take itself seriously, and therein lies its biggest strength – the self-deprecation is so charming that it’s impossible not to find the proceedings delightful. And it also helps that the action set pieces are inventive, the performances are wonderful, and the script is imbued with both humour and heart. (Oh and we never get to see Jared ‘How Does He Still Have a Career’ Leto, so that’s obviously a bonus.)
File this one under “I can’t believe this didn’t suck” and enjoy this absolutely delightful, silly, funny, exciting adventure.
Grade: A-
Ok so Prince Charles and Bono’s daughter are on the run from Colin Firth and his people who don’t want Prince Charles to reveal the information that he has stolen about extraterrestrials, and when Bono’s daughter finds out about this she also doesn’t want him to leak the info, and then it turns out that Emily Blunt is kinda psychic and has a mysterious link to Prince Charles and … wait, is that not how everyone’s brain works? Because all I could see was the guy from The Crown, that nepo baby who suddenly has a career for some reason, and … never mind, let us try again.
A cybersecurity analyst (Josh O'Connor, who played Prince Charles in The Crown) goes on the run with his girlfriend (Eve Hewson, who happens to be singer Bono’s daughter) after stealing documents from his work in the hopes of disclosing the existence of extraterrestrial life to the world. On his trail is a government contractor (Colin Firth) who wants to stop him. Meanwhile, a TV meteorologist (Emily Blunt) develops psychic abilities for some reason and ends up crossing paths with the whistleblower. Dumb nonsense ensues.
Despite interesting core plot points – should the public know if aliens exist and what would happen if the existence of extraterrestrials is revealed? – the movie comes off as dull and clunky, with no exciting twists or rewarding payoff.
The reason humour often works so well with sci-fi is because it makes the silly fun. The choice to be earnest makes Disclosure Day just plain silly.
Grade: D-
The Minions invade Hollywood in Minions & Monsters, the latest instalment in a series that is somehow still around a decade and a half later.
In one of their better adventures, the feisty group of small, yellow creatures look for their next despicable master, invariably leading to inadvertent disaster. The tribe eventually finds its way to 1927 Hollywood where they stumble onto a film set and luck their way to stardom. Their reign, however, ends when silents give way to talkies, leading creative James and his friends Henry and Ed to break away from the group – who continue searching for an evil boss – and make their own movie. While looking for monsters to appear in the film, the friends summon small Cthulhu-like Goomi (Eric Cartman Trey Parker), unaware that they are unleashing a threat that could lead to dire consequences.
Basically a string of excuses for the Minions to cause mayhem weaved into an ode to Hollywood, Minions & Monsters will please fans of zany antics and goofy humour.
Grade: B+
There was a time when Marvel ruled the summer box office, when we were all collectively invested in the fates of comic book characters and every new MCU instalment felt like an event, but those days are starting to feel like a distant memory. From the epic high of Infinity Saga (2018 – 2019) to the cringey low of The Marvels (2023), the franchise has fallen far. And the fragmented efforts for revival have, at best, yielded mixed results.
Which is what makes Spider-Man: Brand New Day such an anomaly. Turns out: small potato stuff > big potato stuff!
Spider-Man is, of course, Marvel + Sony, and the Spider-Man IP itself still hold great power. And with that power apparently comes the great responsibility of rescuing the MCU from itself.
Forgotten by everyone after Dr. Strange’s magic spell, Peter Parker (Tom Holland) is on his own and focused solely on his superhero work, but while he wants to stay away from his friends, the universe has other plans. The emergence of a mysterious telepathic being threatens to harm the people he loves, and it also doesn’t help that his struggles are making his superpowers go all kinds of haywire.
Plot convolutions may be his occasional nemesis, but Holland effortlessly commands the screen and makes the emotional weight of his story affecting, which may be why the low stakes have yielded a higher reward – and over two BILLION dollars at the box office – this time around.
Grade: B
David Robert Mitchell appears to have made The End of Oak Street as a “Tell me you’re a Steven Spielberg fan without telling me you’re a Steven Spielberg fan” challenge.
A suburban neighbourhood is transported from the 1980s to prehistoric times in this survival thriller that feels like ChatGPT reimagined ‘80s Amblin films but forgot to add the elements of adventure and excitement that made those movies so enjoyable and memorable.
The focus is on the Platt family, a couple (Anne Hathaway and Ewan McGregor) that seems to be on the brink of divorce and their children who seem to be short on brain cells and powered entirely by bad decisions.
Plot armour is deployed over and over while side characters are unceremoniously chowed down.
For a film about the upheaval of a supposed neighbourhood, you’d think the filmmakers would at least cursorily explore the community aspects of a disaster hitting a bunch of people who were having a block party just before dinos started to saunter down their street (like trying to figure out what exactly is happening, making plans for food and protection, helping each other), but nah. The movie is basically just dinosaurs of all varieties chasing a family and being extra mean to everyone who isn’t in the main cast.
Solid performances by the two leads can’t save this corny exercise in nostalgia when the script is such a groaner and the tone is all over the place.
Grade: C-
The Movie Warner Bros. Didn’t Want You to See is finally in cinemas, and while audiences haven’t exactly flocked to theatres to witness this looney adventure, they really ought to, because Coyote vs. Acme is a whole lot of ridiculous fun.
Exhausted by his endless failed attempts to catch the Road Runner, Wile E. Coyote finally realises who’s to blame: Acme! Wile-E. ropes struggling attorney Kevin Avery (Will Forte) into suing the corporation for all the products that have repeatedly been backfiring on him, leading to a faceoff against Acme’s cocky lawyer Buddy Crane (John Cena) and a whole lot of cartoon mayhem.
A witty script and a surprising amount of heart make Coyote vs. Acme such an enjoyable watch. It’s the kind of movie where a “meep-meep!” can end up tugging at your heartstrings. Forte and Cena are brilliant, and several familiar cartoon faces make an appearance. If you feel any fondness for the Looney Tunes universe or if you just want to spite Warner Bros. for their nincompoopery, then watch and enjoy this movie and appreciate how rare it is that live action-animation works this well.
Grade: B+
In this era, when all our brain processes is 30-second reels, there are not many movies where you can sit for three hours and not zone out, but Christopher Nolan’s The Odyssey is one of them.
This was a movie that was actually fraught with controversy prior to its release. The most prominent of these was the fact that, in this depiction, Helen is played by Lupita Nyong’o, who is a Black actress. This was contradictory to earlier depictions of Helen and also does not seem consistent with the descriptions of Helen in the original text. The second major controversy was the casting of Elliot Page (previously Ellen Page of Juno fame), who is famously transgender. This had riled up many conservative groups in America and there had been a strong movement encouraging people to abstain from watching this movie.
Clearly, neither of these controversies held this film back, as, at the time of writing this article, it has grossed approximately $1.59 billion worldwide, making it Nolan’s highest-grossing movie ever. It has also given IMAX theatres probably their most successful release to date. Many theatres are actually booked up until September and many showings have had to be added to satisfy the demand of eager cinemagoers who want to watch it as it was meant to be watched.
Set after the Trojan War, The Odyssey focuses on the journey of Odysseus (Matt Damon) as he travels back from Troy to his homeland, Ithaca, where his wife Penelope (Anne Hathaway) and his son Telemachus (Tom Holland) await. The journey itself was supposed to take a few weeks, but Odysseus remains lost at sea for about 10 years.
We see the many trials and tribulations that Odysseus endures on his way back. And, at the other end, we see Penelope and Telemachus being badgered by various suitors vying for Penelope’s hand so that they can take over Ithaca.
The cinematography is mesmerising and the acting by all involved is incredible. Quite frankly, this movie is yet another Nolan triumph.
Grade: A
- L.K.
