My sister, who knows about our relationship, has advised me to break up with him because he makes me cry every day. Guru, I love him immensely and cannot leave him. Please help....
My fiancé is avoiding me
Dear Guru,
I am a 24-year-old girl and I work in a private office. At my workplace, I became involved with a colleague, M. Initially, we were just good colleagues but after two months, M proposed to me and I accepted. I asked him to send a formal proposal to my parents and he said he would do so as soon as his parents returned from Australia. He told me they had gone to help his sister with her newborn twins and would be back in four months. Until then, we agreed to keep our relationship private. He gave me a ring to celebrate our engagement. We went out for coffee and lunch during our lunch hours and got to know each other better. After four months, when I asked him about his parents, he said he would talk to them soon as they had just returned and were tired. After this conversation, M started avoiding me. I have noticed a considerable change in his behaviour. Now, it seems he has no time for me. When I asked him about his changed behaviour, he said that he was very busy with work and did not have enough time to spend with me. He keeps scolding me over small things. Sometimes we fight over trivial matters, such as discussions about children. Guru, I am so mentally disturbed. My sister, who knows about our relationship, has advised me to break up with him because he makes me cry every day. Guru, I love him immensely and cannot leave him. Please help.
Confused Girl
Dear Confused Girl,
Walking away from someone you have imagined a future with can feel impossible. However, love should not require you to constantly chase someone for reassurance or make you cry every day. The biggest concern here is not simply that M is busy. It is that he promised to approach your parents, yet when the time came, his behaviour changed and he began avoiding the subject. Instead of trying harder to win his attention, tell him clearly that you accepted his proposal because you believed he was serious about marriage and that you now need to know whether he still intends to take the relationship forward. Ask him to give you a definite answer rather than accepting vague explanations about being busy or tired.
Do not plead with him to stay. Give him the opportunity to explain what has changed. There may be a genuine problem you know nothing about, but there may also be a possibility that he has changed his mind and does not know how to tell you. Most importantly, do not allow the ring or the time you have already invested in this relationship to convince you that you must remain in it. If M is genuinely committed, he should be willing to take the appropriate next step and involve both families. If he continues to avoid you, becomes disrespectful or refuses to give you a clear answer, take his behaviour seriously.
Your sister may be right that you should leave him, but do not make that decision simply because she says so. Make it after giving M one fair opportunity to be honest with you. Remember that losing someone you love can be painful, but marrying someone who is unwilling to communicate or commit can create much deeper pain later.
Best of luck!
Dear Guru,
I am a 15-year-old girl and I am rather overweight. I want to lose some weight, but I find it difficult to control my eating habits. I particularly love chocolates and cannot resist them whenever they are available. I would like to lose weight, but I do not want to completely give up the foods I enjoy. Is there a healthy way for me to lose three kilograms without giving up chocolates? Please guide me.
Concerned Teen
Dear Concerned Teen,
At 15, you are still at a growing age, so trying to lose a specific amount of weight on your own may not be appropriate. Instead of following a strict diet, speak to your parents and ask them to help you consult a doctor or qualified dietitian. They can consider your growth, overall health and nutritional needs before suggesting any changes.
You also do not necessarily have to give up chocolates completely. The key is to enjoy treats occasionally while making nutritious foods, such as fruit, vegetables, eggs, dairy products and other wholesome foods a regular part of your meals. Staying active through activities you enjoy, such as walking, cycling, swimming or playing a sport, can also help you become fitter. Most importantly, do not starve yourself or follow fad diets. You will lose the weight you want in a healthy way.
Good luck!
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