I’m not sure my body can handle much more of this “getting out of bed” nonsense....
COMIC RELIEF
Mr.Carter (@dexteristwisted): I’m not sure my body can handle much more of this “getting out of bed” nonsense.
m :) (@vuse_lover): Said good morning to my coworker at 6 AM and he told me to calm down.
Benny Feldman (@Feldfrog): If Earth ever goes to war with an alien planet, it’s gonna suck so bad that we don’t still have the dinosaurs because they would have been such a powerful ally.
MonotoneOfBill (@MonotoneofBill): Skip’s wife left for medical reasons.
She was sick of him.
Natalie Would (@_NatalieWould): Horrifying if literal: gym rat.
Derek guy (@dieworkwear): Christopher Nolan should cast unaffordable housing in his next film so some of you get mad about that for two weeks.
Mus (@_seamusharvey): “You gotta see The Odyssey in IMAX 70mm.”
I will be watching it in 3-5 months on the back of a Delta seat, thx.
Neil Renic (@NC_Renic): My to-be-read list is mostly a plan for the afterlife at this point.
SpecialKimtamine (@LorazeKim): Him: What are your love languages?
Me: Mastercard, American Express and Visa.
100 (@yh_me2): Despite my consistent contact with grass, I’m still like this.
Nayele18 (@nayele18maybe): Remember to always be yourself.
Unless you want people to like you.
Midnight Cowboy (@cowboyjeffkent): I helped carry the coffin of people I didn’t think I could live without, I’m cool with strangers not liking me.
A guy takes an elevator up to the eleventh floor for a meeting. As he gets out, the operator says, “Have a good day, son.”
“Don’t call me son,” the guy says. “You’re not my dad.”
The operator scratched his head, “No,” he responds, “but I brought you up, didn’t I?”
After the meeting, the guy gets back on the elevator to go down, and the same operator is in the lift. They stand in silence as the elevator descends, but when they get to the ground floor, the operator says, “I’m sorry.”
“Because you thought you were my dad?” the guy asks him.
He shakes his head. “No, son, because I let you down.”
“Never miss a good chance to shut up.” – Will Rogers
