Terrible time to have a history degree and pattern recognition skills....
COMIC RELIEF
Jess (@worldreads): Terrible time to have a history degree and pattern recognition skills.
Neet (@neet_sol): The economy is so bad that scam messages went from “you won the lottery” to “remote job available $18/hr”.
Midnight Cowboy (@cowboyjeffkent): The only extreme sport I ever participated in was attempting to find something in my wife’s purse.
Nayele18 (@nayele18maybe): Them: Do what you love.
Me: [does nothing]
:( (@mostnormalwoman): Do not let evil into your heart ever unless you’re really, really bored.
Benny ‘Sea Bass’ Rollins (@citizenkawala): Just let me enjoy art that was created by horrible people.
Miss Ally (@MissAlly_01): When James Bond is abroad, is he known as +44007?
Melvin of York (@MelvinofYork): Why is a rodeo the benchmark for experience? Give me something more relatable like “this ain’t my first trip to the DMV”.
Andrew Nadeau (@TheAndrewNadeau): Just saw The Odyssey, I loved it but was really surprised it featured so many Minions. Not saying it’s bad or inaccurate. I’m aware of its oral history, so there’s no way to know Homer didn’t include Minions. But it was like 98% Minions. Didn’t even mention Odysseus.
Deann (@CarpeDeann): You were mean to me in my dream. Now I’m mad at you.
Matty (@bestestname): Life is what happens while I’m busy staring at my phone.
¿ (@umlarp): Putting in my too weak notice.
Just Bill (@WilliamAder): I’ve been on Twitter for 15 years. With good behaviour, I should be out in another five.
A woman goes to a psychiatrist looking tired and harried. “What seems to be the problem,” asks the doctor.
“It’s my husband,” she replies. “He thinks he’s a refrigerator.”
“Well, that’s not so bad,” says the psychologist. “It’s a rather harmless complex.”
“Maybe,” replies the woman. “But he sleeps with his mouth open and the light keeps me awake.”
An employee goes to his supervisor and says, “Boss, we are doing some heavy cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with decluttering the attic, the shed and the garage, wiping all the counters and sweeping the floors…”
“I’m sorry,” the boss cuts him short, “but we are short-handed at the moment and there’s no way I can give you the day off.”
“Thanks, boss,” replies the employee. “I knew I could count on you!”
“Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours.” – Yogi Berra
