I may need to reconsider relying on the lotto and the apocalypse as a viable financial planning strategy....
COMIC RELIEF
Neil Renic (@NC_Renic): Me: (cracks knuckles) “time for some work!”
Work laptop: “your computer will update for 2 weeks beginning in 9 seconds”
Merriam-Webster (@MerriamWebster): *you’re
Midnight Cowboy (@cowboyjeffkent): I may need to reconsider relying on the lotto and the apocalypse as a viable financial planning strategy.
Benny ‘Sensible Jeans’ Rollins (@citizenkawala): I call it “soccer” because that seems to irritate all the right people.
Tendollar (@tendollardanny): Dying alone: is it actually not as big of a catastrophe as we feared? - my new piece for Optimist’s Quarterly.
Ricky Hollywood (@victim_burn77): You can like and agree with Woody Allen’s decisions in his private life without enjoying his movies, it’s called separating the art from the artist.
Doinkadect Klomberbatch (@Doinkadect): Is this the first time the UK’s been looking for a new Prime Minister, James Bond and Doctor Who at the same time?
Jesse Case (@jessecase): I love when the Starbucks barista writes a fun little message on the cup like “enjoy!” or “please stop coming to my work, we agreed you’d get the kids every other weekend, your Buzz Lightyear costume makes everyone uncomfortable and yelling ‘to divorce and beyond’ is insane”.
My name is Andy (@saboutime9): I’m a forgiving person. In other words I’m for giving up.
Forward March (@RunOldMan): Was looking for my “what did I do wrong” when I stumbled across my “I don’t really care”.
Kip Conlon (@kipconlon): I have touched grass and await further instructions.
Grace (@gracefishlove): Sorry about the mean things I said when I was right.
A man goes on a safari with his wife and mother-in-law. After a day of exploring the wilderness and observing wildlife, they return to their camp site. As the husband and wife sit around the campfire, the wife realises that her mother is missing.
The husband picks up a rifle, and, with his wife close behind, sets off into the jungle to look for the missing woman.
After searching for over an hour, they finally see her backed up against a cliff with a huge lion standing right in front of her.
“What are we going to do?!” cries the wife.
“Nothing,” replies the husband. “The lion got himself into this mess…”
“Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.” – Groucho Marx
