I love my mother dearly, but I am struggling with her decision. How can I deal with these feelings and this situation?
I am so disappointed with my mother
Dear Guru,
I am a 24-year-old married woman and the mother of a baby girl. My father passed away when I was only six years old, so my mother raised me on her own. She worked incredibly hard to give me a good life and never let me feel the absence of a father. Three years ago, I married the man I loved. My marriage was not arranged, but thankfully my in-laws welcomed me warmly. Throughout that time, my mother stood by my side, and helped me build a strong relationship with both my husband and my mother-in-law through her valuable advice.
The problem is that my mother now wants to get married again. She says she has spent most of her life focusing on me and that now, after seeing me settled with my own family, she feels lonely and would like companionship. I visit her every week with my daughter, and we spend quality time together, but she says it is not enough. She feels there is an emptiness in her life that only a life partner can fill.
The man she wishes to marry is her cousin, K. They were once engaged, but family disagreements ended their engagement. K married someone else, but his wife passed away last year. Now he has approached my mother and expressed his wish to marry her.
Guru, I am finding it very difficult to accept this. In our society, women of her age rarely remarry, especially when they have grown-up children and grandchildren. My mother is 47 years old and already a grandmother. I worry about what people will say and how my in-laws will react. I feel embarrassed and disappointed, and I cannot understand why she would want to marry at this stage of her life.
I love my mother dearly, but I am struggling with her decision. How can I deal with these feelings and this situation?
Upset Daughter
Dear Upset Daughter,
Your mother’s decision may feel surprising to you because you have always seen her in the role of a parent. However, before she became your mother, she was an individual with her own hopes and dreams. She devoted the best years of her life to raising you alone but it is understandable that now, after seeing you settled and happy, she wishes to focus on her life.
Marriage is not reserved for the young. Companionship, affection and emotional support are important at every stage of life. Your mother’s age is not a barrier to finding happiness, nor does becoming a grandmother mean that her personal life must come to an end. In fact, it is admirable that she is choosing to build a future rather than spend the rest of her life feeling lonely.
Instead of worrying about what others may think, try to focus on what will bring your mother peace and happiness. People may talk for a while, but instead of paying attention to their opinions, you should help your mother. Your mother stood by you when you made an important decision about your future. Now she deserves the same support from you. Give yourself time to adjust, but remember that loving someone sometimes means respecting their choices.
Good luck!
I want to lose weight
I am a 21-year-old graduate from a supportive family. My concern is about my weight. I am not obese, but I am slightly overweight and would like to become fitter and slimmer. My best friend is getting married, and I will be attending all the wedding events. Naturally, I want to look and feel my best. Whenever I try on clothes, I feel that they would suit me much better if I lost a few kilograms.
The wedding is only three months away, so I have started worrying about whether I have enough time to make a noticeable difference. Some people tell me to follow strict diets, while others recommend skipping meals or trying quick-fix methods that promise rapid weight loss. I see so many advertisements for special diets and weight-loss products that I do not know what to believe.
Guru, is there any safe shortcut to losing weight quickly? Do fad diets actually work? What is the healthiest and most effective way to lose weight within a few months? I would be grateful for your guidance because I want to reach my goal without harming my health.
Fat Kid
Dear Fat Kid,
The first thing I would suggest is changing the way you think about your goal. Instead of focusing solely on losing weight for a wedding, focus on becoming healthier and feeling more confident. Quick fixes and fad diets often promise dramatic results, but they are rarely sustainable and can sometimes be harmful. Many people lose weight rapidly through extreme dieting only to regain it soon afterwards.
Three months is actually a reasonable amount of time to make positive changes. A balanced diet combined with regular exercise can help you lose weight gradually and safely. Try to reduce sugary drinks, fried foods and unnecessary snacking while increasing your intake of fruits, vegetables, lean proteins and water. At the same time, aim for at least thirty to forty-five minutes of physical activity most days of the week. Brisk walking and cycling can be excellent options.
Remember that confidence comes from being comfortable in your own skin. Be patient with yourself, celebrate small improvements and focus on developing habits that will benefit you throughout your life.
Good luck!
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