I feel frightened and confused, and I do not know what to do....
My friend is threatening me
Dear Guru,
I am a 21-year-old university student. My problem is related to T, who used to be my best friend. We are neighbours, went to the same school, and now attend the same university, studying the same subjects. You can imagine how close we were. We shared our clothes, shoes, and unfortunately, our secrets.
T became upset with me because I told her not to go out with D, a boy in our class. D has a bad reputation, although he is rich and handsome. I was afraid he would break T’s heart, so I advised her to break up with him. I only meant to protect her, but she became very angry and threatened to tell my mother that I had gone out for coffee from university with my fiancé. Since then, she has stopped speaking to me.
I miss her company and want things to go back to how they were. I am also afraid she might reveal my secret to others, which could ruin my reputation. I feel frightened and confused, and I do not know what to do.
Worried Friend
Dear Worried Friend,
First of all, take a deep breath. What you are feeling is completely understandable. Losing a close friend can feel like losing a part of yourself, especially when you have grown up together. However, it is important to recognise something: a true friend does not threaten you with your private matters. Even if she was hurt or disagreed with you, using your secret against you is not moral behaviour. That said, your intention seems to have come from care, but sometimes advice - even when well-meant - can feel like interference. She may have felt judged or controlled rather than protected.
If you truly value the friendship, consider talking to her in a calm, reasonable manner. Do not mention D at first. Instead, say you miss her and regret how things are between you two. Acknowledge that perhaps you overstepped, even though your intentions were protective. Sometimes a simple, sincere apology for how something was said (not necessarily what was said) can make a lot of difference. As for your fear about your ‘secret’: going for coffee with your fiancé is not wrongdoing. If you are engaged, you have nothing shameful to hide. Fear often gives others power over us. The more calmly and confidently you carry yourself, the less impact gossip will have.
Finally, consider carefully: a friendship built on mutual trust survives disagreements; one built on control or fear may not. If she chooses to end the friendship or spread rumours, that will reveal more about her character than yours. You deserve friends you can trust not to betray you by sharing your secrets, instead of using them as a threat. Give the situation some time. If your friend realises her mistake in threatening you, forgive her, but don’t trust her blindly again.
Good luck!
I am so bored
Dear Guru,
I am a 17-year-old first-year intermediate student. My family is very conservative, and girls are not allowed to visit their college friends. It feels so unfair. My 15-year-old brother goes out with his friends, and my parents are not concerned as long as he is home by 8 pm. However, I am not even allowed to stay overnight at my own aunts’ and uncles’ house because I have male cousins there.
I feel upset because it is very difficult for me to pass my time. I am bored most of the time. My mother is always busy with household work. My brother has his own routine, and my father comes home late. My routine is limited to studying and sleeping, with hardly any recreation. I have arts subjects, so my studies are manageable, and I often find myself with plenty of free time. I do not know how to overcome this boredom. Please help.
Bored Girl
Dear Bored Girl,
First of all, your feelings are completely valid. It is hard when you see different rules applied to you and your brother. It can feel unfair, especially at your age, when friendships and social experiences matter so much.
However, since changing your parents’ mindset overnight is unlikely, the best approach is to focus on what you can do. Rather than seeing your free time as a burden, try to see it as an opportunity. Many young people wish they had uninterrupted time to develop skills. You could explore hobbies that can be done from home, such as creative writing, painting, calligraphy, baking, or cooking. Helping your mother with household chores can also be constructive; it will give you something meaningful to do and help you build a closer relationship with her. Free online courses (such as language learning or digital skills) can also help you spend your time productively. If you enjoy reading, a book can be your best friend. Novels, biographies, and self-improvement books are all excellent ways to pass the time.
Have you considered keeping in contact with your friends through video chats or online study groups? You don’t have to be physically present to participate in group studies; this can easily be done with your classmates. It will help you with your studies and you will have a lot of fun at the same time. This phase will not last forever, but in the meantime, focus on utilising your time in a constructive way, as it will help you in the future.
Good luck!
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