I'm assuming some of you are super secret spies who can’t give away the next move by using a turn signal....
COMIC RELIEF
Cooper Lawrence (@CooperLawrence): In the US we call it an elevator but in England it’s a lift. I guess we were just raised differently.
Louise Jensen Duffy (@LouiseWeebe): I just ordered a Life Alert bracelet, so if I get a life I’ll be alerted immediately.
Meghan (@deloisivete): I'm assuming some of you are super secret spies who can’t give away the next move by using a turn signal.
David (@latte147): Remember when plastic surgery was a taboo subject? Now you mention botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
Sphinx (@protosphinx): Stephen Hawking never returning to remove his name from the files is proof that time travel does not exist in this universe.
Dinosaur (@dinosaurs1969): "Do Not Touch" has to be one of the scariest things to read in braille.
Krista (@kristabellerina): Just once I’d like to learn my lesson the easy way.
Ja Leto (@_falsi1ke): Being hated by idiots is the price you pay for not being one of them.
Maddy (@MadHatterMommy): Some people should come with a warning label.
MisterD (@MisterD78UK): There are two kinds of people in this world ... just avoid them both to be safe.
Two burglars were robbing an apartment. One said, "Somebody is coming! Quick, jump out the window!" And the other guy said, "Are you out of your mind? We're on the thirteenth floor!" And the first guy said, "This is no time to be superstitious!"
A doctor is giving a talk at a symposium. Like any good public speaker, he wrote his speech out on notecards. Unfortunately, when he gets up to the podium, he finds that he just can't read his notes. So, he says to the audience, "Is there a pharmacist in the house?"
“Whoever said, ‘It’s not whether you win or lose that counts’, probably lost.” – Martina Navratilova
